Trudging

Trudging

“… trudging the road of happy destiny.”

~ Alcoholics Anonymous aka The Big Book

*****

The reference above from AA’s Big Book has a potent aspect to it. Many people misinterpret it as “to happy destiny” rather than “of happy destiny.” That’s an important distinction. “To” suggests arrival at a destination, “of” proposes it is the proverbial journey that matters.

Perhaps “happy destiny” is an ongoing experience, not something that falls upon us after completion.

Maybe finding our well-being as an unfolding experience rather than something to come later is the proverbial game-changer.

I love an analogy from Alan Cohen, the author of The Dragon Doesn’t Live Here Any More.

We’re trudging up a mountain, though the route encircles it. Each time we loop the mountain, we elevate just a few feet higher, though we may be unable to discern any progress visually. It looks the same more or less.

However, as we keep looping the mountain, after some number of trudges around it, we arrive at a previously unachievable vista which amazes and inspires. Suddenly, we see we’ve covered much more than we imagined.

Then we return to trudging, which in the rooms of recovery is often translated as “walking with purpose.” We keep moving despite the inability to see obvious advancement.

Amazingly enough, what we cannot see or sense is that each trip round the mountain is shorter as we rise, In fact, we are accelerating up the mountain, even though we cannot tell other than those intermittent vistas.

Slowly but surely those vantage points become more frequent, and very encouraging. The momentum of trudging is really making a difference, even though it remains steady trudging. Our focus shifts from “when we get there,” to “here and now.”

Now comes a psycho-spiritual gut-punch courtesy of the late Sam Dement, my long-time mentor, guide and advisor.

“What do we think is supposed to be experienced, which because it is not present, causes us to be disenchanted, or discouraged, or discontented?”

“Oh, I see,” I replied. It’s my expectations, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, buddy!” he replied enthusiastically.

Translation: If we anticipate trudging we will not be disappointed. If we expect highlights, we will have a few, and they will be pleasing. On the other hand, if we expect a destination success, and in fact that is not the nature of things, we run a risk of something other than satisfaction. In short, knowing the way of things sets us onto a much more beneficial trajectory. And just for good measure, alignment to reality tends to support good brain hormone secretions. We feel better even though reality is no different.

Thinking It Through

Which brings us back to that curious phrase, “the road of happy destiny.”

Maybe the trudging isn't what we endure while waiting for the happy destiny. Maybe the trudging is the happy destiny.

Most days don't contain mountaintop vistas. They contain getting out of bed. Making coffee. Going to work. Paying bills. Talking with someone we love. Being irritated. Being delighted. Making mistakes. Trying again. Walking the dog. Washing the dishes. Going to a meeting. Wondering whether any of this is going anywhere.

Trudging.

And every once in a while, the trail opens and we catch sight of where we've been. Oh my. Look at that.

Then the trail bends again, the vista disappears, and we're back to putting one foot in front of another.

Perhaps wisdom is learning not to require the vista.

Perhaps the spiritual invitation is to become increasingly available to the road itself.

This conversation with Sam happened many years ago. I'm only now beginning to appreciate just how radical his question was.

What exactly do I imagine should be happening instead of what is happening?

Increasingly, my answer is: nothing.

This doesn't mean resignation or passivity. We make choices. We repair what needs repairing. We change what can be changed. We pursue things that matter to us. We keep growing.

But perhaps we can do all of that without requiring this moment to become some other moment before we consent to our lives.

Seeing True in Reality and In Practice™

Trudge. Look around. Be here.

Occasionally there will be a spectacular vista.

Enjoy the hell out of it.

Then keep trudging.

Turns out, this may be the road of happy destiny after all.