To Thine Own Self Be True

There is a long-standing debate that involves the contrast between a focus on serving others or service to self. Most typically the former is seen as more virtuous, while the latter is seen to be selfish. For this season of giving thanks and the many focuses on others and our communities, it seems very timely to explore this tension.

The great Christian Mystic, Anthony De Mello, tackled this in his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality. He concluded that all of us only do things which we perceive to be beneficial to ourselves, that in the end, we are all self-interested. However, he does propose that the optimal may be “enlightened self-interest.” His logic offers that since it is impossible to not be self-interested, perhaps we can find ways to act beneficially and effectively through that self-interest.

Recently an acquaintance called me to task for some of my writings. He proposed I needed to be more “other focused.” Following is the thought process that emerged in my response:

“Actually, my lived experience is quite interesting on this. The better I have been at attending to my own well-being, the greater is my capacity for more to pour forth into the world and for others. The craziest thing is that some of us don't become our best selves simply by serving others, rather by clearing the channel so service to others and the world comes through us.”

Ironically, the greatest barrier to my usefulness to others has been shown to be my need for self-importance. Amusingly enough, nothing is more self-satisfying to my ego than acts of service that are a veil for self-importance. So, I actually have misused service to others in an unconscious service to myself. As I’ve explored this idea with others, it’s become clear I am not alone in this delusion.

Truth be told, that was a painful realization. Yet with that awareness came the beginning of letting go of my need for importance. As that need diminished, my availability to others grew.

He asked me how that has turned out for me.

“I guess my great conclusion is that we have to be in service to ourselves and to others in some kind of alternating approach over time. With awareness, service to others provides reflections on self, and service to self provides the same for others.”

Without awareness, our attempts at service invariably runs amok.

Seeing True in Reality and In Practice™

"The goal of the mystical life is for us to become beholders of God in action, where we ascribe nothing to ourselves -- not even good motives ... In that degree of desirelessness, selflessness, or unselfedness is the mystical life lived."

~ Joel Goldsmith, Living by Grace