Seeking Non-Disturbance


Accepting Life on Life’s Terms

It was what some would call somatic work, and others would call meditation. I was sitting on my daybed on a chilly afternoon when I closed my eyes and drew my attention to my breath as it moved in and through me. For reasons I will never understand, I was suddenly in a very still place that was characterized mostly by the depths of the quiet.

As moments passed, the experience could be felt in the body. There was a physical and emotional settling that could only be described as grounding.

It reminded me of an experience years ago when I fell into a comparable place while on retreat. I remember a spiritual teacher saying, “I was being worked with.” That seems as apt a description as any for such non-normal states.

For half an hour, I simply sat with inner silence. Suddenly, my eyes popped open and I had thoughts that needed to be written, so I grabbed my journal and captured the following.

Notes from My Journal

A core drive of our being is to return to the non-disturbed state of the uterine world. Our first awareness as an incarnate being is the buffered environment of our mother’s womb with its temperature regulation, cushioned ride, instantaneous food delivery, and oxygen that is provided effortlessly. Then we are thrown into the corporeal world when we are born, yet on some deep, sensory level we always remember that time in utero. And the old, old brain is always looking to return to that undemanding place.

But life itself is dynamic and disruptive. It is always moving and changing, totally at odds with this idyllic, psychic imprint. So this oldest idea that defines our experience interprets life itself as a problem because it is anything but non-disturbed. Because of this the ego spends much of its time trying to defy change, seeking the comfort of a state that is impossible to find in life.

No wonder we seek all kinds of experiences that will seemingly remove the stress of the chaos of life. Leisure. Relaxation. Comfort. Security. These we seek in our relationships, lifestyles, work and play. Always seeking non-disturbance. Always disturbed. Even our projections of life after death are reflective of this idyllic state. It seems we are compulsively and unconsciously driven to achieve the unachievable.

No wonder we are stressed. No wonder we are prone to compulsions and addictions. No wonder we act out in such problematic ways.

The pursuit of an ideal state is fraught with difficulties. The ideal is not achievable. And yet we are compelled to seek to achieve it. This is a fundamental human dilemma.

Seeing True

Accepting life on life’s terms is an excellent strategy. As long as we understand that the nature of life is dynamic and disruptive. Any other expectation must necessarily lead to discomfort.

Seeing True in Action

These notions beg the question: What ideals do I pursue to my detriment?

Updated July, 2018